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Abberton Lions Tour Diary

Abberton & District Cricket Club on tour

Monday 28th May.

Tour Party

Foxy, Jack, Dumb, Dumber, Scotty, Sam’s Ex, Tex, Sully Snr, Goldie, Sav, Smiffy, Thumb, Chief, Rex, Truss, Arnie, Joey, Ernie, Petts, Pablo, Cowshot, Monty, Beefy.

With everyone up for the tour a meet at the Brow on a lovely bank holiday Monday for 10 am was preceded with a few tour WhatsApp messages between the tour party, including one from Dumb of “can we leave yet”. All tour party were to read the tour bible before we set off for rules of engagement and behaviour on tour. The tour shirts were distributed with everyone’s name on, with Sam’s Ex being so big he could use it as a dress on another occasion. While waiting for the off a few of the boys would partake of a few bevvys. A decision that would have repercussions pretty quickly. Not knowing what the day would bring forth, we all set off in great spirits. Many routes were mentioned and the two buses decided on A12, M25, M1, M6, M54 with the first stop to be Corley services on the M6 for lunch. Not even thirty minutes into the journey and the first comfort break was needed by the bus with the breakfast bevvy club. There is an unconfirmed report that the police are looking for a flasher who allegedly took a number two. Meanwhile the second van was making fine progress towards the services at Corley. No real dramas yet. In the first van a geography/football lesson was discussed as to Aston Villas move to London.

Connor Oldrey presented his tour polo shirt
Breckfast bevvy club needs toilet

Then it all happened.

At 13:15 the breakfast bevvy club bus broke down on the M6 with a terminal illness described as “*ucked”. Meanwhile the second bus was tucking into KFC at the services when the call came for international rescue in the form of Rex in the now named second bus of thunderbird 13. So the four guys in thunderbird 13 volunteered to stay at the services while Rex went to get the guys stranded on the M6. Just as Rex in thunderbird 13 was getting to the guys a call came from the services four that they had been rescued by the other tour party members, now known as the relief crew, who were not going by tour bus. This consisted of Scotty, Ernie, Jack and Arnie. Strangely what had been a nice leisurely drive for the relief crew suddenly turned Scotty in Ayrton Senna. When asked why the explanation was the new passengers gave him the motivation to go faster.

Brokendown minibus on M6
Chief stranded beside the M6

Thunderbird 13 had now reached the stricken van on the M6 and had confirmed the death rights and “*ucked” verdict. Truss and one other would be needed to stay with the dead bus and wait the arrival of the RAC. Smiffy was volunteered by the rest of the boys to stay with Truss. Once all the bags from thunderbird 13 had been transferred to the dead bus, in order for all the boys to be able to embark on thunderbird 13, the sacrifice of the day was made by Chief to relieve Smiffy of staying with dead bus till the RAC arrived. An hour was given as a waiting time. This would give some optimism. They arrived within 30 mins.

RAC to the rescue, or maybe not as it would turn out.

Thunderbird 13 had now gotten the starving and thirsty breakfast bevvy club to the services.

A call from the now named M6 duo came that the RAC would not in fact be able to tow the dead bus as it was bigger than the RAC van. A low loader would be needed to move the dead bus. Now fed and watered the boys from the breakfast bevvy club made their way to the hotel in Shrewsbury in thunderbird 13. Then the first of many calls from the M6 duo arrived. The low loader would pick them and the dead bus up before 5.30pm. A tent and sleeping bag request was shortly followed by a new ETA of the low loader of 6.15pm. By now the boys were at a watering hole in Shrewsbury sampling the local ales while awaiting the arrival of the kit and the M6 duo.

By now the M6 Duo were gasping and their stomachs had thoughts that their throats had been cut. To the rescue came Goldie in the form of a lifesaver txt that there was water in his kit on the dead bus. Then Goldie mentioned that there might be food on board as well. The M6 duo now saved from death by thirst and starvation. However, 6.15 came and went and still no low loader. 6.50 and the M6 duo had found the fines bible and noted the first general rule. They were breaking the lateness rule. Then Eureka, 7.10, the low loader had arrived but with a sting in the tail. “Praise the lord” rang out at the watering hole. But the now bonded M6 duo could not stay together as the low loader could not take any passengers as it had no seatbelt and only one seat. Would the bond be broken? ….. NO. the duo decided to stay together and get the low loader to take them to the services where they would be able to get a taxi for the final part of their journey. With the Taxi due at 8.30 the duo decided to take advantage of the KFC and were now far from wasting away.

Food found on the bus, the M6 duo saved
A keen spot from Chief. M6 Duo would be the first to be fined for arriving to the party late.

Taxi did not arrive till 9pm. An end to the long wait and finally the M6 duo could be on their way to the hotel and be reunited with the rest of the tout party. Unbelievably the taxi was low on fuel but did not think to fill up at the services when picking up the M6 duo. So M6 duo would need to stop again. In the meantime, the dead bus with the kit had arrived on the low-loader at the hotel to be unloaded of said kit. Now the dead bus needed to be transported 300 yards to the car park/ elephant graveyard or where ever buses go to die. So Rex of thunderbird 13 fame went with the low-loader and the dead bus to show the driver where to go. 30 minutes had passed and Rex had failed to return. The M6 duo had finally arrived to a hero’s welcome from the boys who plied them with much needed alcohol to relive their arduous journey. But where was REX? Had he been kidnapped? A txt arrived with his location but thankfully no ransom demand. He was at least 3 miles away. The driver had taken Rex on a wrong turn and was heading out of Shrewsbury.

A taxt with no fuel
Rex tour of shropshire with the broken minibus

When would the whole party ever be reunited?

Eventually REX arrived and the whole party could now say they had all made it to Shrewsbury. What had the M6 duo missed?

Well it was established that there is no difference between a washing machine and Freezer, as Dumber relayed having been locked in a washing machine as a kid(really it was a freezer). It is so hard to tell the difference in fairness to Dumber as they are both white and kitchen appliances.

This is a town full of Thumb lookalike.

A pre Wimbledon challenge was issued between Arnie and Beefy and the figure of 50 pound a set was discussed. Would beefy win a game let alone a set. Beefy took umbridge at this and cried “have you seen his limp backhand”. Thumb offered to arrange a court for Thursday morning to resolve the issue. Will we ever get the answer to the question, will John “Beefy” McEnroe win a game? Joey was nominated as skipper for the first game by the non-playing members of the tour.

By now the boys had drunk the watering hole dry of dark cider and IPA.

One great piece of news Truss would become a dad.

Good effort boys and bodes well for the coming week.

Tuesday 29th May

Joey had sent a callout for a 7am run, but failed to show himself. Breakfast at the hotel and everyone was present for the first time. A whole tour party at last.

Smiffy had arranged for a new bus to be delivered to the ground of our hosts for the day WEM cricket club. This was promised for 5 pm. Would this be the case or yet another optimistic timeframe.

With the club flag proudly unfurled a tour party photo was taken outside the hotel.

A short drive to the host ground in WEM. As nominated driver and local guide Thumb was in thunderbird 13, but seemed to forget that as lead in a convey you should let the other cars be able to follow.

Having won the toss Joey decided to field. Thirty overs a side, due to WEM having a T20 game in the evening.

Part of the tour rules was “FLY” & “SUPERFLY”. Where if a non-playing member of the tour Shouted “FLY”, all the players of that day would become dead flies, by laying on their backs with legs in the air. “SUPERFLY” was all tour members to be dead flies. Our hosts were caught out when the first “FLY” was called and were wondering what the hell was happening when all the players suddenly were on their backs with legs in the air.

Todays team

Umpires

Scorers

WEM 253-7 - ADCC 168-7

View Scorecard

Game Awards.

Game Fines.

Ernie was on fines today and the list of fines were too numerous to list. Below is a sample.

Hurrah…. The replacement bus had arrived. The journey back to the hotel was uneventful except Cowshot kept the occupants of the replacement bus awake by clipping a kerb or two. It was decided that a few of the touring team would watch the T20 game as it was only across the river from the hotel.

What would be the venue for dinner tonight? Thai and Pizza Express were the winners with an even distribution to either. After dinner a walk to the aptly named “hole in the wall” pub, situated next to a bank with a few ATM’s, would be the watering hole for the evening. Shock… the last orders were 11pm. The boys then walked around town and eventually decided on Montgomery’s. Some of the tour were playing golf in the morning and started drifting back to the hotel as there was an early wake up. However, a few hardy souls stayed in town and found a club to quench their thirsts. The rumour that 3 & 4am being the time all touring members made it to bed are as yet unconfirmed.

Tomorrow’s skipper would be Thumb.

Wednesday 30th May

The roll call for golfing tour party participants was 6.30am for breakfast and departure for the course at 7am for a 7.30 am first tee off. The 6.30am call was made as this is the time breakfast starts at the hotel. Dumber went down for breakfast at 5.50am. Scotty, being one of the alleged stop outs, was woken by a 6am alarm and when asked by his roommate if he was still going to golf responded with a “I will take the fine” and turned off the alarm. It’s not every day you wake up and open the hotel door and see an ironing board and iron blocking the door. Obviously a tour member wanted everyone to be smart for the day.

The golfers made their way to Alscott Golf Club for the tour golf morning. The makeup of this was first off Arnie, Joey, Pablo and Monty. Second group Dumber, Chief and Thumb. Third group Tex, Cowshot and Sully. Fourth was Jack, Sams’Ex, Petts and Ernie. So notable mentions, Joey, who says has never had a lesson except for the Lee Westward weeks tuition, 1over after 9 holes, Chief’s eagle after chipping in for two. Sully’s long driving, and the fourth group’s super effort of 9 holes in 3.5 hours. The other groups all managed 18 holes in just over 4 hours.

Golf Finished and back to the hotel to pick up the rest of the tour party for the second of the tour games. The hosts were Knockin & Kinnerley. The game was delayed due to the weather and would be reduced to a 20 over a side game. Tea was taken with Sav’s comment of best tea ever being met with derision and was told to remember some of the very good teas provided at the brow.

Abberton lions won the toss and would bat first.

Todays team

Umpires

Scorers

ADCC 154-6 - Knockin & Kinnerley 156-9

View Scorecard

This was to be the social event evening of the year the “Shit Shirt” night. Straight after the game everyone on the tour donned their “shit shirt” for the whole evening. There were some beauties from an Aztec creation to a glitter ball replica, an African tribal to dead leopard print. Superb effort boys. The contest for the shittiest shirt was eventually judged by the opposition team and smiffy’s creation of up to a dozen different designs in one shirt, flowers, spots, patterns etc., was deemed the winner. There were some shirts it was agreed that could be worn out in Colchester or indeed on holiday. We decamped to a local watering hole supposedly only 10 mins away. We were to discover that time in Shrewsbury is merely relative and 10 mins in Thumb time is 20-30 mins for everyone else. This timing would become a feature of the tour.

Now trying to get 23 blokes in dodgy shirts into a pub with the bar the size of a phone box was never going to happen. Luckily there was an area outside that would accommodate all the tour. This caused the local innkeeper a headache as we had all intended to eat here and he only served food inside. However, one look at the menagerie of shirt wear and it was agreed that we could indeed be served outside. To be fair the food was really quite good and a hearty meal was enjoyed by everyone. The locals had wondered whether they had been invaded by a bunch of people who had gotten dressed in the dark, having seen the shirts. the stunned looks were amusing to the whole tour group.

Game Awards.

Game Fines.